From the southern islands, we flew to the north of Thailand to the quaint university town of Chang Mai. We dutifully feigned appreciation for the spicy, peppery northern Thai cuisine while secretly pining for take out from Thai Chef and Seamless.
Our first stop was to Tiger Kingdom. We asked our guide if the tigers were sedated. He said no. We asked if they had ever injured anyone. He said, "Yes, my friend." We asked if there was a tranquilizer gun nearby, in case the tigers got out of hand. The guide said, "No, but I have this," and held up a wooden drum stick. Into the tigers' den we went.
The guides encouraged us to approach the tigers from behind, lest they think we want to play with them and swipe us with their massive paws. For our photos, they directed us to spoon the tigers, cup their testicles with our hands, and put their tails between our legs for comedic effect. We trusted Tiger Kingdom's employees completely, until one got too close while taking a photo and a tiger slashed Justin's new camera, leaving a permanent scar.
At the elephant camp, J and Ting demanded to ride the same elephant so that they could reenact the Battle of Hydaspes River (326 B.C.). While the reenactment was relatively authentic, unlike Alexander, neither J nor Ting suffered a sucking chest wound, though both indeed suffered (for no particular reason) the melancholy that Alexander did upon the loss of his trusted steed and companion, Bucephalus.
There are three types of people in touristed areas of Thailand: tourists, sex workers, and the ever elusive authentic Thai person. That night, we managed to socialize with actual non-prostitute Thai people who attended the local university. Justin found "the best wifi in all of Thailand" in a lounge that he assumed was a charming nightspot haunted by friendly female patrons; he successfully called his girlfriend for the 40th time of the trip.
We were all blessed with good luck by a monk at the hilltop Wat of Doy Suthep, and now we have cute little white bracelets to remind evil spirits not to fuck with us.
Our first stop was to Tiger Kingdom. We asked our guide if the tigers were sedated. He said no. We asked if they had ever injured anyone. He said, "Yes, my friend." We asked if there was a tranquilizer gun nearby, in case the tigers got out of hand. The guide said, "No, but I have this," and held up a wooden drum stick. Into the tigers' den we went.
The guides encouraged us to approach the tigers from behind, lest they think we want to play with them and swipe us with their massive paws. For our photos, they directed us to spoon the tigers, cup their testicles with our hands, and put their tails between our legs for comedic effect. We trusted Tiger Kingdom's employees completely, until one got too close while taking a photo and a tiger slashed Justin's new camera, leaving a permanent scar.
At the elephant camp, J and Ting demanded to ride the same elephant so that they could reenact the Battle of Hydaspes River (326 B.C.). While the reenactment was relatively authentic, unlike Alexander, neither J nor Ting suffered a sucking chest wound, though both indeed suffered (for no particular reason) the melancholy that Alexander did upon the loss of his trusted steed and companion, Bucephalus.
There are three types of people in touristed areas of Thailand: tourists, sex workers, and the ever elusive authentic Thai person. That night, we managed to socialize with actual non-prostitute Thai people who attended the local university. Justin found "the best wifi in all of Thailand" in a lounge that he assumed was a charming nightspot haunted by friendly female patrons; he successfully called his girlfriend for the 40th time of the trip.
We were all blessed with good luck by a monk at the hilltop Wat of Doy Suthep, and now we have cute little white bracelets to remind evil spirits not to fuck with us.
the last picture FTW!!!
ReplyDeletealso, GO BLUE!